Jamie has Blue Ball
I have had the same home office chair since 1997, when I stole my chair from the business school at UNC before we moved into our new building Carolina was gracious enough to give me the chair I had been using instead of throwing it out when the business school moved to the new building. Recently, it has begun to show its age.
I’m not sure if it’s the extra weight I’ve put on as I’ve grown older or the nine years of ass funk I have deposited in its state-approved lining, but like Shaq, 411 West, and Mambo #5, the old trusty chair just ain’t what she used to be. It doesn’t sit up quite as high as it used to, and I think the space-age polymers in the cushion have finally succumbed to the non-stop fart insurgency I have unleashed upon it since the late nineties, rendering the chair too cushy for its own good.
Thus, I am in search of a new chair; a chair that will accomodate my freakishly tall frame; a chair that can withstand my gastric concoctions on a daily basis. I have my eye on one choice piece, but it is pretty expensive. So before I dropped a ton of cash, I thought I’d look into a new trend I have been reading about: the exercise ball chair.
Instead of shelling out big bones for a fancy chair, I thought I’d see what 30 bucks and a trip to Target would do for me. You can see my new office thrown in the picture on the right.
The results? Eh. First of all, it’s still a bit too small. I bought the large (75cm for you Canucks and Euros), which is supposed to be a good size for someone up to 6′3”. One problem: I’m 6′5”. So it sits a little lower than my old busted chair and I can’t keep my legs at that-ergo friendly 90 degree angle. This kinda sucks because sitting on it for long periods of time makes my hammies tight.
The good news is that the blinding pain I have developed in my lower back takes my mind off of my legs. I’m not really sure what to make of the back pain. I don’t know if it will eventually go away or not. Sitting on the ball supposedly forces you to engage your core muscles and put your back into it’s natural position. Unfortunately nobody told my back. It feels about as natural as Ryan Secrest on a date… with a woman. Not good times.
The upside is that since this is an exercise ball, I can hop on top of it and roll my back out the opposite way and get a good stretch going to ease the pain. This was not the case with my other chair, where performing the same manuver only provoked those awkward “Why are you humping the chair?” questions from AG.
The jury is till out on the exercise ball as chair. I’m going to give it another couple weeks and see how it goes. If nothing else, blue exercise ball chair has one thing going for it: The farts sound amazing.
I bet that thing would be wicked in a game of dodgeball or maybe even kickball.